Why I dont want to BERSANDING

I have a few reasons, but religious issue is the least actually. The main reason is because I am really shy; I seriously don’t know how to control cun. I don’t know how to act sparkling, gracious, charming woman in front tons of people. I seriously can’t and won’t.

I know some of you didn't notice my awkwardness in my pre-wedding pictures, well that’s because you don’t know me. In person I meant. Most all my family and friends notice it. My mother even warned me to not behave as such on the day. Pheww… I have to try really hard! It’s unnatural actually. I am naturally awkward when whole lot of people staring at me… Bbrrrr… *Goosebumps*

So that’s the first and main reason. Secondly, I have two receptions as you know. The first reception is a bit formal; we have seating chart, performances, event itinerary etc. The second reception is a bit informal, people can come and go.

So, usually for a formal reception guests are required to be early. You come; they show you your seat. You sit and wait for the event to start then you wait for the couple to bersanding then you eat, then you’ll be entertain with some music, listen to speeches then maybe towards the end of the event you get to greet them and be photograph. You spent the whole event just watching the bride and groom from afar. Well… that’s not my idea of celebrating the happiest day of my live.

I want my guest to be close to me… I want them to get to say hi and chat a little bit… I get to walk around and see how everybody is doing… dance with them… have fun… do all sort of crazy things with them… aaahhh… bliss!

Hence me separating the event ;)

As for the second reception, the typical Malay wedding you attend where the event is from 12-4pm or sometimes up to 5pm, the couple usually came around 1pm or maybe 2pm to bersanding then to those who came early and ate have to wait for the bride and groom to arrive and wait again for them to finish bersanding then if ada pertunjukkan silat have to wait some more. Afterwards when they are eating, tak kan you want to interrupt? Sometimes, in a day if you have two wedding to attend you just have to interrupt their meal just to say hi and congratulate them, which I personally think is rude.

Then if to avoid such hassle, you usually wait till around 3pm to attend a wedding and then what happen to the other wedding if there are two invitations in a day or maybe three? You either be late or just had to let the other slip…

I've been a guest to so many wedding and usually we are not only coming for the food, we want to mingle a little bit with the bride and groom… say hi and take a picture or two or maybe up to ten… haha… let them know how happy you are to see them on their wedding day. Personally wish them, or pass them ang pow… I just want my guest to be happy and also to be close to them *macam ayat ahli politik*

Hope this clear the air, as some thinks that I was being resistant to the MALAY culture by not wanting to bersanding. I am a sensible person; I don’t simply make decisions without thinking them through. To me, what important is your intention.

I am sorry if you feel that I am trying to show off. I actually am not. I think all I want is a small humble wedding. Not over the top royalty-like wedding. I don’t have any intention to prove my wedding is the best and your wedding sucks or I hire all famous vendors and you don’t. I am better than that. My parents teach me to be better than that.

I think I am happy with what I have now. Alhamdullillah

p/s: I only have bersanding after nikah. As requested by family members.

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13 Responses to Why I dont want to BERSANDING

  1. LisaLisut says:

    Zara!!! i love ur idea! sebab i pun jenis tak behave.haha.yg lelaki maybe behave.tp bukan i.i'm the one yg suke jalan2 tgk tetamu dpt makan ke x,drpd duduk kat meja beradap n makan n org kene malu2 dtg nk jumpa.sebab i dh alamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.i maluuuuuu nk jumpa pengantin.most wedding kawan2 i sndri i dtg n go after makan n just lambai dr jauh sbb i malu sgt nk dtg dkt.huahuahua

    my initial plan adalah pelamin utk bergmbr je.xnk renjis2.haha

  2. ZARA says:


    kan kan? u sama betul ngan i! i pon pernah malu2 nak jumpa pengantin sbb rasa macam kacau diorang kan? then dah lah ramai yg beratur nak jumpa diorang gak.

    i pon ada pelamin kt dlm rumah je lah... tu pon utk yg lepas nikah tu. utk reception semua luar rumah so, then ada photo booth. so amek gambar kat luar je lah!

  3. dear, hheh i pun pemalu gak, tp ari tu ada bersanding, i tgk kawan2 i malu2 nak amik pic ngan pengantin so i la kena panggil dorang suh amik gambar hahahahah kat atas pelamin pun i siap sembang2 nganpengapit smpai kena marah hehehe sib baik pelamin dalam umah kalau kat luar sure jd keras kematu heheh

  4. ZARA says:


    tu lah... mmg akan malu2 punya! and I ni dah lah jenis cepat fed up. penat wei nak senyum lama2!

  5. no worries... tak sanding oso takpe... it's your wedding and it's suppose to be yang mana selesa utk u... :)

  6. same lah dear.. on our big day pelamin tu jadi tempat ambil gambar tak bersanding pun, shy2 cat gitu hehe

  7. waalllaa! says:

    huhu..i pun jenis malu lau bab bersanding..mesti kena tunggu kt situ lama2 n senyum je smpai lenguh tulang pipi..ok dah idea u tue..lagipun lam islam kan ke xelok ke..tapi kalau utk tatapan saudara terdekt boleh rasanyer..can ada sedara family I tu dia xbuat sanding..pas akad nikah ade pelamin utk majlis mengenal menantu je la.renjis2 tu pon xde..tapi sekejap jelah kat situ..pastu abes..terus makaaaann time..hehe

  8. Anonymous says:

    I love weddings with a twist and personal touch by the bride and groom :) I'm sure yours will be beautiful and definitely memorable.

    Good luck with all the eleventh hour prep!

    ps: been reading you for quite a while, baru tergerak wanted to leave a comment today because for some reason, I think I totally get your sentiment :)


  9. ZARA says:


    *hugs* thanks dear!

    lady of leisure,

    hahaha... dah cats lover... tu yg shy2 cat!


    tu lah... i know, i mean i heard about the religious issue revolving around bersanding ni. yg lepas ni kah tu ada sedara mara je kot. idk...


    thanks for reading my gibberish babbles. i sometimes dont even hv a clue what i wrote ;)

    p/s: saw ur wedding pics! so lovely!

  10. zara i totally get wat u mean...!! malu giler kan?? bagi i, it's up to u nak ada sanding ke x, cos it's ur wedding kan.. but in d end, we have to take it d other way T_T cos wedding is about ur parents n family too..dorang nak menyambut n nak 'give away' their anaks to other people..so have to consider them somtimes(quote from my bro-in-law) haha.. his words of wisdom really opened my eyes.. ;p

    anyways, hope u'll get thru wif all ur sandings..dont worry,everything will be ok.. :D


  11. ZARA says:


    i already agree to sort of bersanding after nikah. so it's kinda win win situation for everybody ;)

    hehe... thanks!

  12. sumpit says:

    gosh, i'm leaving this comment wayyy too late, it seems.

    but honey, dont worry about the bersanding thing.Nobody is gonna say much anyway.

    i didnt, for the same reason as u've mentioned. Tp ada la tmpt duduk2 utk bergmbar.

    And i'm shy as hell, so tht's a huge regret on my part. OP penat bg instructions, siap bg pose sample lg suruh ikot, but im super-wooden. And now looking at the pics, i wish i was more erm... tak malu, if u know wht i mean.

    So just throw the shyness out the window tht day, will ya? Trust me, u wont regret (lest u'd be like me huhuhuhu)

  13. ZARA says:


    not too late lah, i blom kahwin lagi... huhu... tapi i still takmo bersanding, but i will try to be less kayu/terlampau gedik in front of camera... huahaha